There are seasons in parenting that reshape everything you thought you understood. For our family, much of that reshaping has come through raising our son Chase, who has special needs. We didn’t choose this road, and it hasn’t been easy. Yet, it has been deeply formative, not just for us as parents, but for our son Nathan as well.
When people think about suffering in parenting, they often imagine dramatic, short-lived crises. But for many families like ours, trials are chronic. They are a part of our daily schedules and rhythms. There are appointments, therapies, unknowns, exhaustion, and moments of grief that show up often. And in the middle of all of it, we are still called to parent faithfully, to love consistently, and to point our children to Christ.
One of the difficulties that arose for our family was trying to navigate the balance in providing all the care necessary for Chase, while also shepherding Nathan’s heart as he deals with the difficult realities of having a medically fragile brother who suffers often, and requires constant care and attention.
Learning to See Both Sons Clearly
When one child has significant needs, it can unintentionally shift the entire focus of the home. Emergencies take priority. Schedules revolve around one child. And if we’re not careful, the other child can begin to feel like they are living on the outskirts of the family importance. We’ve had to grow in awareness. Nathan is not just “the sibling of a child with special needs.” He is his own person, with his own fears, questions, and needs for attention and affirmation.
There have been moments when we’ve seen the weight he carries—moments of frustration and sadness about why life looks different for Chase and our family. One of the things that trials have exposed in us is the need to parent each child individually, even when one child’s needs feel overwhelming.
Letting Our Children See Real Faith
Our journey with Chase has not been marked by constant strength. And one of the decisions we’ve had to make is this: do we try to hide that from Nathan, or do we let him see it? We’ve chosen, as best as we can, to let him see real faith. Not a polished, put-together version—but a lived, sometimes messy dependence on God.
He has seen us pray when we didn’t have answers. He has heard us say, “We don’t understand this, but we believe God is with us.” That level of honesty has helped him see that faith isn’t about having everything figured out. Faith is about knowing where to turn when you don’t.
Teaching Him How to Process the Hard Things
One of the quiet realities for siblings of children with special needs is that they often grow up faster emotionally. They see things other kids may not see. They carry questions other kids may not have to ask.
We’ve had to help Nathan process things like: “Why is Chase different?” “Why can’t Chase enjoy life like every other kid? Why does he have to stay home and suffer?” “Why does God allow this?”
Those are not small questions. And they don’t have quick, easy answers. We seek to point him to the truth that God is good, even when life is hard. And, that he has a special role to play as Chase’s brother. Over time, we’ve seen compassion, grace, patience, and selflessness grow in Nathan. He is a better young man because of what he has been through, not in spite of it.
Fighting for Joy and Connection
One of the things we’ve had to be very intentional about is creating moments where our other son doesn’t feel overshadowed by the needs around him. We find time to take Nathan out for ice cream, movies, and small trips, even when we’re tired. We seek to celebrate his accomplishments, listening to his stories, and making sure he knows he is seen in a personal way.
We also seek to find joy together as a family, even in the middle of difficulty. We laugh often and refuse to let the weight of our circumstances define the tone of our home. Joy doesn’t come easily in seasons of suffering, but it can still be cultivated. And it matters deeply for both of our boys.
Depending on God’s Grace in the Middle of It All
There are days when we feel stretched thin. And that’s where we’ve had to come back, again and again, to the same truth: we cannot do this in our own strength. God’s grace is not theoretical for us—it is daily provision. We are learning that faithfulness in this season doesn’t look like having all the answers. It looks like showing up, depending on the Lord, and loving each of our children intentionally in the middle of it.
A Different Kind of Legacy
If you asked us years ago what we thought parenting would look like, this probably isn’t what we would have described. But this is the story God is writing for our family. And even in the difficulty, we can see what He is doing. He is shaping and growing us in deep ways, both in our faith, and together as a family. This road is not easy. But it is not without purpose.
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